


For now I have nothing

by Zukkashipper



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Established Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Shiro (Voltron), I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, M/M, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:54:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28974702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zukkashipper/pseuds/Zukkashipper
Summary: did i make you cry because i made myself cry lol.anyways, i very recently hopped on the Voltron bandwagon and oh dear lord it is bad the brainrot is so strong. also this show is awful i am sorry but i really hate it with a passion.which is why i have like 3 fics planned with this universe wow so true of me.hope you liked it!! don’t hesitate to leave a kudo and a comment if you did and follow me on twitter for some brainrot @zukkashipper
Relationships: Adam/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	For now I have nothing

Takashi. 

_Takashi Takashi Takashi._

He was all that went through Adam’s mind all the time. They knew each other for so long now. He was his first everything. His first friend in Garrison (they had bonded over their love for card games), his first best friend also. Takashi had been his first crush, his first kiss (under the stars one night when they had ran away for a bit and Shiro looked into Adam’s eyes and then lips over lips, and he was done for).

And his first and only boyfriend. 

He loved Takashi. So so so much. He had never loved anybody the same way he had loved him. And he made sure that he knew it, everyday. From little pecks here and there to a simple shoulder touch.

Adam was good with words. He knew how to explain himself well and his feelings also. Takashi was also like that, so it helped in their relationship as there was hardly ever misunderstandings. Both were straight forward, never taking a detour when they needed to address something.

So when Adam found himself yelling at Takashi, something that he had never done before, and saw the hurt in his eyes he knew he didn’t mean it. He wanted to take it back. He wanted to rush into Takashi’s arms and stay there, tell him that he was sorry and that he didn’t really mean it. 

Because he cared about him. So so so much. The last thing he wanted was for Takashi to leave. Leave for his mission. Leave so that he might never come back, no not because he was afraid Takashi couldn’t handle it but because his condition was only getting worse. He wanted him to stay home. He wanted him to sit down with him and think back about going on his mission.

But maybe he couldn’t. He couldn’t. Because the words had left his mouth now and resonated on the walls of their appartement. Bouncing back into his ears after hey had left his lips. Slapping Takashi in the face and leaving a pained expression. 

He couldn’t. He couldn’t because he had a class to teach. He couldn’t because even if everything in the world told him to call in sick and stay home he went. Because he had a place to be.

He left without knowing what to do next. Walking past the man he cared about the most and not knowing what to do with his hands, or with his mouth. So he gripped on his bag a little tighter and pinched his lips together so that they wouldn’t jump on Takashi. He left with a thought of coming back later and making it up. 

Class was pain. Trying so hard- too hard to not break. Trying to keep his composure so badly because if he didn’t then what kind of fool would he be? So he kept teaching. He talked about history even though he wanted his mouth to be talking about Takashi.

He came back home earlier that day. Because he had hurried. Because he couldn’t wait to see him again, even if it only had been a few hours. He couldn’t let go of the look from Takashi’s face that looked so so so hurt. And it was his fault. 

He pushed the door open and there was no one. The lights where off, the silence was on and way too loud. After closing the door behind him he went for the kitchen counter because that was where he always went after work. That was where Takashi would follow him to and they would talk about their day. 

And Adam was greeted with a note. And suddenly he couldn’t read because his glasses were off and tears took the empty space in his eyes. Because then all he could do was cry. He let himself lean on the counter. He let himself drown in the silence of his cries. He let himself go. Because then all he could think about was Shiro.

_ Takashi Takashi Takashi_ _. _

And he went to bed that night. Their bed that they thought was way too small and that now felt way too big. He held on the note. His hand wrinkling the paper and his tears wetting the cold pillow.

He didn’t sleep that night.

He didn’t for the next few ones either, or at least barely.

He was nonetheless proud of him. Because even if he wanted to keep him close, Takashi Shirogane was making history. History that he hoped he could teach one day. He watched the news everyday, getting reports of their mission. Where he was, what he was eating, when he would come back home.

Because that was all Adam couldn’t wait for. When Takashi would be back home. When he would be back and they could hug again, speak again, kiss again. When he would be back and the tears flowed his eyes and-

Takashi would never be home again. 

Since that day he never watched the news again. He never ate as much, laughed as much, slept as much.

He tried his best to look good, or at least presentable, because that was the least Takashi would expect from him. Because if Takashi had known that he wasn’t going to come back then he would’ve made a list of things he would’ve liked for Adam to keep doing.

If Takashi had known. If Adam had known. If they had known.

He wouldn’t have went. He wouldn’t have said those words. They would’ve been okay.

Except that now they weren’t. Except that now there were no what if and there were only there is. 

Because Adam felt bad. Because he didn’t really mean those words. Because he didn’t wan’t Takashi to leave. Because because because-

He now slept with the note that said ‘I love you’ right next to his bed, perfectly centred in a pretty white frame. Because white was Takashi’s favourite colour, and that Adam used to tell him that it wasn’t a real colour. And that it was now his favourite colour too, even if it wasn’t a real colour.

So when earth was in danger, he put on his suit and went fighting. When he felt himself lose it, when he felt the temperature going higher, when he felt himself yelling, facing what he thought he wouldn’t see for at least a few years.

And that all he could think about was Takashi.

_Takashi Takashi Takashi. I love you I love you I love you I never stopped._

All he could scream about was the regret. The hurt. The promises. The fact that maybe just maybe he’ll be seeing him soon.

Because now Shiro was kneeling at his name. Because now all he could think about was his name. Adam.

_ Adam Adam Adam, no. _

Maybe the breath that he took wasn’t enough, because he found himself looking for more. Because he saw himself trying so so so hard not to fall, not to get off his knee that was aching due to his weight pressing it down on the floor. Because Shiro couldn’t get up. Because how can you get up if you can’t even breathe?

Maybe it was a dream. Maybe if he touched the name tag once again and tried wiping it off then maybe it would erase itself. Maybe if he yelled his name for the tenth time in a minute then maybe he would be behind him and his arms would enlace around his neck and then their mouth would be together again.

But instead there was nothing. Shiro was greeted with silence and the name of his first love on the wall that had way too many more names.

His only friends now were his tears, rolling down too too too quickly on his cheeks. He had tried to make them stop, only the answer had been being greeted with no air.

For now he had nothing.

His mind was blank, the room was cold, the tears were warm. For now he wanted to hold on the name on the wall. The only word that was able to pierce through his frozen lips. The only thing that his mind could allow to picture.

Maybe if he had came back before leaving. Maybe if he had said sorry before going. Maybe he had known he would’ve held him tighter. 

He would’ve held him as close as he held his pillow that night. He would’ve muffled his tears in his hair instead of in his mattress. The ones that reminded him home but also the one that reminded him nothing.

Adam.

_ Adam Adam Adam. _

That was all that went through Shiro’s mind as it slowly drove to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> did i make you cry because i made myself cry lol.
> 
> anyways, i very recently hopped on the Voltron bandwagon and oh dear lord it is bad the brainrot is so strong. also this show is awful i am sorry but i really hate it with a passion.  
> which is why i have like 3 fics planned with this universe wow so true of me. 
> 
> hope you liked it!! don’t hesitate to leave a kudo and a comment if you did and follow me on twitter for some brainrot @zukkashipper


End file.
